


Wade and Peter Make a Porno

by Molly_Ren



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bob WAS going to play Loki but he forgot the horns at home, I am so sorry Spideypool fans this is probably not what you were looking for, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-12 03:11:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Molly_Ren/pseuds/Molly_Ren
Summary: When Peter said he'd work for exposure, this isn't what he meant.





	Wade and Peter Make a Porno

Peter wasn’t sure when this had become definitely for-sure a bad idea. He had read all the right blogs, he thought, about how porn didn’t have to be a degrading job anymore, how it was even the place where a lot of budding videographers started out. (Hadn’t Channing Tatum started out as a stripper?)

“Um… Wade?”

It had looked like a good idea over email, Peter told himself, and even okay when he realized the “producer”, Wade, had a face that looked like he’d been formed out of roadkill (the guy couldn’t help how he looked!)

“... Wade?”

Then it had been a not-good idea when he realized Wade wasn’t only the producer but the writer _and_ the star… while wearing an obviously much-loved Captain America costume and going down on a dude who was dressed suspiciously like Nick Fury. (Unbeknownst to Wade, Peter had good reasons not to piss Captain America off any more than he already had.)

Then it had been a good idea again when Wade had handed him an oily envelope that contained something like $500 dollars.

“W--oh, jesus.”

Peter couldn’t help himself: he’d never seen someone take an entire dick in one go, and “Fury’s” was of a massive size that was indeed worthy of a porno. He zoomed in, grateful that the camera Wade had provided was one of the best, and managed to get a good shot again before he zoomed out again.

And there it was. He had to say something.

“Cut!” yelled Peter, hoping that would work better. Wade kept blowing “Fury” with a near-manic energy that was starting to get disconcertingly slobbery. _Pretend you’re Tony Stark_ , Peter found himself thinking in desperation, and this time managed to snap commandingly: “WADE!”

“WHAT!?” Wade managed to bellow with a cock still in his mouth. “Fury”, who had said exactly two sentences in the past hour, looked impressed at this feat.

Peter took a deep breath, at the same time feeling incredibly stupid. “His eyepatch is on the wrong side.”

Wade stared at him like he had gone crazy. _Welp, there goes my first job in the porno industry_ , Peter thought. Maybe if he was fast enough, Wade wouldn’t be able to take his half of the--

“He’s right.” Peter started. He’d forgotten there was a fourth person in the room, but considering what a bizarre couple hours it had already been, maybe he could be forgiven for thinking a whole other person minor. Even if he was sitting just out of the frame on the floor, wearing a green body suit, yellow accessories and very nebbish glasses. Peter guessed he was going to play Loki--except where were the horns?

Man Number Four flapped Wade’s “script” at him, a disconcertingly stained and taped document that looked like corrections had been made with crayon. “It says it’s on the right, but Bruno here put it on the wrong side after the last break.”

“It’s for, you know, continuity,” said Peter after a moment of silence.

Wade stopped staring at Peter and instead started staring at “Fury”, who after a couple seconds was disconcerted enough that he fumbled to switch it to the correct side.

“Okay, let’s… let’s just start again.” Peter yelled “Action!”, and this time they made it to the climax before Peter realized “Fury”’s eyepatch was now on the wrong eye again. He was about to say something again... then Wade made direct eye contact with Peter while deliberately switching it back to the right. 

Peter knew when he’d been given a warning. By the time they were finished, the eypatch had ended up around “Fury’s” bicep, on his dick, and somehow tied so it adorned one ass cheek. During their last take, “Captain America” himself wore it while riding “Fury” to completion.

Peter took the footage home with him, cut it while his aunt was out, and was greateful that he now had $1,000 in his Venmo account and could forget the whole experience.

* * *

A few months later, Steve Rogers was puzzling over his latest batch of fan mail in Avengers Tower. He’d received an anonymous check for the Steve Rogers Foundation for Terminally Ill Children to the tune of $13,000 dollars, which he should have been happy about. But the “note” had two confusing words: “Your cut.”

In the other room, Steve heard the the type of stirring music that usually signaled that Tony was about to watch yet another World War II documentary. Then the sound was suddenly cut off. 

Then he heard Tony choke.

“Tony?” he said, still distracted.  _ My cut? _ He thought.  _ My cut of what? _

“I’m fine!” Stark yelled back. A few minutes later, Stark himself appeared in the doorway, looking uncharacteristically serious. Steve felt himself tense up, expecting to hear news of the latest disaster, but instead Tony said, “Rogers? If you ever get a Dropbox invite from someone named “Wade”,  _ don’t open it _ .”

“Why not?” said Steve, now thoroughly confused. 

For a moment, Stark looked like he was struggling with whether he wanted to tell Steve something. “Virus,” he said abruptly, and went back into his study. Steve heard him lock the door. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Have you ever seen the Captain America: Winter Solider Porn Parody? I have.... and during the screening, it was noted that the actor playing Cap looked way, way more like Ryan Reynolds than he did like Chris Evans. And thus this fic was born!


End file.
